Yesterday we got a call from our Social Worker. There’s a birth mother who will be viewing our profile book early this week. I was given a few bits of detail, said absolutely yes please show her our book and hung up. The array of emotions I’ve felt over the past 24 hours is crazy.
I feel that although hard, it’s important to write about this time. Even if the answer isn’t a yes. So, this post will be messy and similar to how my thought process has been since receiving that call.
Prayer. Prayer is big, important and where every emotion keeps circling back to. Actually, I’m pretty sure my mind has become one big prayer and I’m thankful that God understands what I mean by a simple sigh.
Yesterday I was better at keeping my cool, but today not so much. This is new waters. All of these emotions are new. What if she picks us, what if she doesn’t. God’s got this. There are other families waiting just as we are. They are also hoping and praying that this child becomes theirs. God’s got this. Selfishly I want it to be us and not them. God’s got this. We were given a few details about what this child will look like. I have to stop myself from starting to dream them into our family. I’m a dreamer, so I imagine how our lives would change with a new culture nestling against our own. Nope, I have to stop or my heart will break if the answer is a no. God’s got this. How is the birth mother, I hope that she can find some rest in knowing that this child is loved by so many, and will continue to be prayed for by so many, even if he/she isn’t in their families. God’s got this. Our lives could be changed forever by a single phone call. We could essentially become parents by the end of the week. Or we could not. God’s got this.
These thoughts keep replaying over and over again, every single one ending with God’s got this. I cannot imagine going through this waiting time without Him. No matter what the answer is, I know that God knows and I cannot put into words the amount of peace that brings us.
I also feel blessed that once this post is published we will be surrounded by prayer by so many people. I would like to ask to not only pray for us though, but also for the birth family, for other families waiting to hear back and for this child.
“When you really attend to someone in your listening to them, which is a great gift, it is called “Active Listening”. There is also a form of waiting that is “Active Waiting” It is peaceful, hopeful, prayerful and attentive. Eyes fixed on Jesus. Heart alive. Engaged. Yes to that.” -Stasi Eldredge