Post Thirty-nine: Late Night Feelings.

Tonight I’m feeling the deepest feeling of longing that I’ve felt yet. For Mac to be home¬†and for the moment when we’ll first hold him/her. More so than I have ever felt before.

And, I don’t know what that means. Maybe Mac’s birth mother looked at our book today and is thinking about us. Maybe she will look at it tomorrow. Maybe one of these could actually be the right situation and we could get the call.

Or, maybe it won’t be. It’s taken me over a year to feel okay sharing moments like this. I say it’s because we’ve been busy, which we have been, but it’s also just a really tough thing to share about.

Especially when I take a step back and realize that this is so much bigger than just us and the roller coaster emotions that go with the Wait. There’s so many lives involved and I don’t feel the right to feel so heavily for them all. I guess I feel that my feelings are insignificant. Maybe that’s just the stupid devil whispering that. Candidly, that is why I haven’t been blogging or even sharing much with family and friends.

All that I can do is pray. Right now Sam is playing guitar and singing Wake Up by All Sons and Daughters. The verse “Not our will, but yours be done Lord” hits close to my heart. As I’m starting to open up more, all that ultimately matters is that the Lords will is done. I’m so thankful for that and the peace that knowledge brings.

A reminder that I have to tell myself frequently is that God’s got this and that Mac is in the palm of His hands and that’s a pretty special place to be.¬†Isiah 49:16

In the meantime, while I wait to be able to hold him/her in my own hands, I snuggle with Macs baby blanket often so he/she can have a piece of home while in Interim care for those first 30 days.

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Mrs.Hess, out.

Post Thirty-Eight: Profile Book

It has been a quiet past month on the Adoption front. I had a dream last night where Sam and I received The Call. We were just heading out to meet Mac when I woke up and realized that it wasn’t real. So to say the least, today has been tough. I know know know that God’s timing is perfect, but that doesn’t take away how my heart aches to hold him/her in my arms. I think that can be said for anyone waiting for their baby.

A prayer request would be that two EP’s will be viewing Profile Books this week, including ours. I’ve been meaning to post our book for a long time so figured now is a better time than any. Our book is one of the most personal things to share so I’m a bit hesitant, but looking at other families books is what helped me while making ours. So I pray that ours does the same for any families that are working on their own.

Also, whenever I find out an EP will be viewing our Profile Book I go into the nursery, rock in the chair, look through the book and pray. It can be easy to go down a line of thinking of, “What if our book is awful?” “What about our book made them not pick us?” etc. But when I look through ours God reminds me that it is 100% us and someday an EP will just click with it and choose us to parent the little life growing inside of them. That’s a pretty amazing thing. So here it is: (Note that it would be viewed better on a larger screen.)

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Thank you for your prayers and support,

Mrs.Hess, out.