Post Forty-One: Thank you.

My last post was written out of perspective. My brain fog from being in the hospital, taking Prednisone and just overall exhaustion has lifted. I wanted to say thank you to everyone for your prayers, love and support throughout our journey of bringing Lil Mac home. The internet is pretty neat in being able to connect with family and friends far away and close to home. Thank you so much and I’m sorry to have momentarily lost sight of that.

 

Post Forty: Simply put, but not so simply put.

I don’t really know where to start with this one. I guess that I’ll just go with what I wrote Friday night, after we received this no.

We’ve been on the Waiting List for over a year now. There’s been a handful of almost situations, and yesterday we met with a birth family. The meeting went really well, but we knew that they’d be meeting the second family that they chose through looking at profile books soon after we left. Today our SW called and I knew right away that she had the I’m-so-sorry tone again.

I know that God’s plans are perfect. I trust that, but it sure doesn’t make it hurt any less. It stinks more when our village of family and friends let us know that they just feel like this is the one, and it keeps not being the one. And then having to tell everyone that we received the news that another family was chosen is tough. I’m tired of hearing “I’m sorry, we’ll keep praying!” And then the conversation continues on as if nothing happened. There’s some who do ask how they can help, but I just don’t know how they can, but the offer is appreciated. I just wish that folks would understand that every no is a loss, ya know?

Then I have a heart that thinks of everyone in the situation. The no’s are so hard to hear time after time, but there are so many lives impacted by this one decision. I feel for the birth family, for the other families waiting to hear back as well, dream with the family that received the call of a victorious yes. And feeling all of that for everyone is exhausting.

And after these no’s we pick ourselves back up because there’s another EM looking at our profile books the next week. Or it takes a few months to hear about a possible match. And we continue to pray for every child that we weren’t matched with. We continue to pray for the families whose arms finally got to hold their child. We continue to pray for the other families who are aching as we are. And we continue on waiting and trusting God, because that’s all that we can do.

But that doesn’t mean we aren’t breaking and aching. It’s confusing because as we’re hurting from no after no I know that ultimately each child is with the family that they’re meant to be with. Ultimately they are safe and loved and that’s all I wish for them. Because of this I brush my feelings away because how can I be sad if they’re with the family they’re meant to be with? I just ache for our child to be in our arms. All of these feelings are so confusing and are so hard to explain. I hope that I’ve done an alright job at trying to.

And I know it may be confusing after reading this to understand that we 100% appreciate every message, prayer, letter, etc. We are so so blessed, loved and grateful for ya’ll. Goodness, it’s just all so difficult to put into words! About a hundred emotions for one situation. Simply put, waiting to adopt is hard.

Thank you for your prayers and for taking the time to read this confusing post,

Mrs.Hess, out.